Weapon Talk
by orangepencils
Summary: Not a sequel to Sword Talk, the weapons of the group discuss their feelings. What exactly do they think about the quest for the Shikon Jewel and of their companions?


**Weapon Talk**

**It ain't a sequel to Sword Talk; it's a whole new story! The idea was given to me by sleepyji… Sleepy if you read this, thanks for the idea! I'd never thought I'd get a chance to say this! I'm so happy so many people responded to Sword Talk! I didn't think people would like it. I'm glad ya all did!**

**So this is Weapon Talk, what to the weapons of our beloved characters think?**

**Summary: Not a sequel to Sword Talk, the weapons of the group discuss about their feelings. What exactly do they think about the quest for the Shikon Jewel and of their companions? Very funny!**

**Disclaimer: I am soo rich now! Karina needs me so much! **

**Karina: Shut up or you're fired!**

**Disclaimer: Yeah she doesn't own Inuyasha, or Weapon Talk the idea was given to her by a reviewer!**

**Karina:… SHUT UP!  
**

**Disclaimer: Oups…**

Weapon talk

Hiraikotsu: female  
Yellow Backpack: female  
Staff: male  
Arrow: female

Bow: male  
Wind tunnel: female (lol!)

Magic Top: male

**Hiraikotsu's POV**

Greeting to all of you! I am the honorable Hiraikotsu! I have no connection what so ever with the Kotsu brothers. You know, the Shichinintai… Ban**kotsu**, Ja**kotsu**, Mu**kotsu**, Ren**kotsu**, Sui**kotsu**, Gin**kotsu** and Kyo**kotsu**… Please tell me you had already made that connection!... Ok it's ok if you hadn't.

Anyways, like my friend the Tetsusaiga, I am very old. Maybe younger than him but older than… ok maybe I'm around everyone's age. Before I was given to Mistress Sango, I used to belong to my mistress's mother. She was a very gifted fighter. So are all of the others. She used to fight in many fights and sometimes she would pass as a man. After she met her husband, she stopped fighting. She concentrated more on her children. tear What a devoted woman she was.

Any who, I've seen many things during my life. I was very happy when Miss Sango joined The Inuyasha Group. Let's just call it like that okay? No questions asked. I didn't exactly trust that creepy Naraku person. I saw what he did and I knew that my mistress hadn't. We weapons see many things that you humans and demons, and half demons, and living creatures don't.

It was a good way for my mistress to get away from the tragic events that had just happened in her young life. She had just finished getting over her mother's passing and then her brother who had been possessed, killed the rest of her family.

Bla, bla… you know I don't see what's so important about this Shikon-No-Tama. I mean yeah sure it grants you your wish and all, but what good will it do to you? I mean look at all those poor souls who have had fragments of the jewel in their possession. They either suffer or end up suffering a painful death at the hands of Inuyasha…

Aye… some people never learn. Take the monk per example. He's a real good guy deep down. I know cause I got to talk with Staff and you didn't HA! Ok sorry for that little outburst. Anyways, he's a good guy but please, do you think he's learned after all those times to keep his hands to himself? OF COURSE NOT! All he does is provoke my Mistress even more!

I swear I'm glad I'm the one who gets to hit him over the head and not someone else. I mean it could have been anyone else!

Inuyasha could be a real pest when he wants. I feel bad for Tetsusaiga. Its soooo neglected! Compared to me. But I guess he does care for it... You see, I get polished, waxed, cleaned, fixed, rewarded by sitting in the sun, and I get many more things that Tetsusaiga only dreams of.

It helps to have a master that cares for you. I mean, Inuyasha isn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box, if you know what I mean. I mean hello, it's OBVIOUS you like Kagome. Why don't you just tell Kikyo that you like Kagome and swallow your pride! For crying out loud, I'm a damn boomerang and I noticed! Even Tetsusaiga noticed!

And I wouldn't talk about Sango and Miroku. You'd think that someone would pick up a hint and that they would notice after all this time. Well I give credit to that monk for voicing his opinions. The only problem is maybe people would believe him more if HE DIDN'T VOICE THEM SO OFTEN!

You know what I hate? People who think that just because I'm a boomerang, I can't do nothing. EXCUSE ME! I am probably ten times stronger than that little-weak-good-for-nothing-mortal who had the guts to say such a thing!

Kagome is a nice girl. She cares for people and for others. She's not self centered like some people I know Ahem Inuyasha Ahem Poor Inuyasha, we are so mean with him. He's only trying to avenge Kikyo after all.

Speaking of Kikyo… that leads me to a very interesting subject. Not to be harsh or anything, but you know what? SHE COULD GO AND ROTH IN HELL! No offense or anything of course. It's not that I don't like her. I simply despise her. Now before I get chassed by some of you out there telling me that Kikyo is good and everything, let me voice my opinion.

First of all, we live in a free country. Ok maybe not in my time or maybe in my country but maybe in yours. Anyways, we all have the right to express ourselves so please listen. If you still think I need a bit of replacing, then go ahead and yell at my handle. Sorry but I have no head, so you must take that in consideration.

You see, to start things, I think that Inuyasha and Kagome are a much cutter couple. Also, Kikyo is dead, she could go and rest in peace, and she's had a hectic life when she was alive. And, PEOPLE SHE WANTS INUYASHA'S DEATH HERE! D'ya really want him to die?

Whatever, this isn't about who hates Kikyo and why. So let me go back on topic. Finally, I could say that Shippo is quite the funny guy. He always gets tackled by Inuyasha and it's a very funny thing to see when Inuyasha goes after Shippo and the poor lad tries and run away and Kagome sits him afterwards. Its great entertainment after a long day of work.

I guess I shall leave you now and let my comrades speak their opinion. Thank you for listening to a mere boomerang. It feels so good to talk once in a while.

**Yellow backpack**

Hi there. You must know me? I'm the Yellow Backpack. You know the one that brings Inuyasha's life source; Ramen. Yeah that's me. I'm the one that gets stuffed to its full potential if not more.

Compared to the others, I'm only four years old. I was a birthday present to Kagome. Ah yes, I was so happy to get out of that store on that day when Mrs. Higurashi bought me. It was so crowded on that shelf! We were about thirty five thousand yellow backpacks on that shelf that could only hold two-hundred.

Heh, I guess even the shelf we were on could hold more than what it is supposed to hold. Do you know how much I DESPIZE getting stuffed like that? I mean books here, clothes here, towel here, sleeping bag there, homework in the middle, ramen cups EVERYWHERE, food on the left, water on the right. God, you'd think she's moving or something. And moving in one bag. Not with the truck, no A MISERABLE BAG.

Tetsusaiga should stop complaining. AT LEAST HE DOESN'T HAVE TO CARRY 30 BILLION THINGS! All he has to do is kill the opponent. Wow, that is oh-so-hard. Please spare me all that mighty trouble. Get real.

What? Why are you looking at me that way? You'd think that just because I'm Kagome's I don't get pissed and yell. HA! You'd be surprised pal! So quit staring and continue listening. You know I'm glad I get to get used and all but I WANT A BREAK! I'd like to sit on a shelf for more than two days for crying out loud! Do you know how exhausting it is to always get stuffed then emptied out then stuffed again?

Not to mention time travel. Do you know how much I HATE it? I'm always scared we'll end up in some bogus time that we don't even belong in… wait lemme rephrase that. I'm always scared we'll end up in some bogus time other than Sengoku Jidai or 2005. You know like 935 or something. What if we end up in the future? What if we bump into our older self and we end up causing a huge paradox! Then we're gonna have to travel back in time and fix things and cause more problems! I guess I've been watching too much Back to the Future.

Inuyasha is so rude to me! He always throws me on the floor carelessly like some dumb old rock or something. Well for your information mister-big-shot-half-demon-I-don't-care-about-you-as-long-as-you-have-ramen-for-me I CARRY YOUR DAMN RAMEN ALL THE TIME. THAT'S RIGHT! ME THE YELLOW BACKPACK THAT YOU THROW CARELESSLY ON THE FLOOR! If it wasn't for my soft exterior, your precious ramen would get all squished and broken and ugly and dirty and disgusting and wet and … We get the message right?

OH MY GOD! The other day, that monk Miroku USED me to attract a lady. Me, a yellow backpack. Jeez, he must be really desperate. To sink as low as asking a yellow backpack for help… lame! I mean using Kilala is okay. I mean women like kitties. I like kitties too. They're so soft and cuddly. Okay off topic here.

You know what? KAGOME CARES MORE FOR TETSUSAIGA THAN FOR ME! Go on gasp. Yeah, isn't she mean? Everyone is like oh Kagome is so nice and all, yeah TRY and I say TRY being her property! She probably tends to Tetsusaiga all the time so Inuyasha can notice her. Yeah, she won't tell anyone but she has something like a huge crush on Inuyasha.

You're probably thinking she's mental cause she talks to her backpack well she doesn't just for the record. She occasionally sighs and admits to herself that she loves Inuyasha and I'm always around sitting on THE HARD WOOD FLOOR so you know…I hear everything.

She even dreams about him! It's like an obsession! She's like: "Oh Inuyasha pl…" No I shall not continue that sentence. Or else the ratting of this story may go up a couple of notches. **((A/N Ok sorry for that… I just thought it'd be funny. So eum… sorry? Don't flame me for that thing? If ya wanna flame me, flame me for the rest ok?))**

Yeah so she dreams about him, talks about him, writes about him in her journal, daydreams about him, fantasizes about him, practically lives with him, AND SHE GOES AND SAY THAT SHE DOESN'T LIKE HIM. PL-EASE! That's like saying that I'm preinkpule and not yellow. Hello do I look like a mixture of red, purple and pink? I rest my case.

The demon slayer is nice. I think she's the only one I'd call normal in the group. I mean, Inuyasha has anger management problems, Miroku is a lecher, Shippo is only a kid so I'll leave him out of this and Sango is the only one I can't find anything to reproach. Kagome isn't exactly normal either. Let's not even talk about Kikyo. SHE DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! You know once when Kagome went to save her in that cave she was like what are you still doing here. Then Kagome left and she's like wait! Hello make up your mind!

She's always saying things that have no head or tail. Like pure is impure. And that other time when she was like I understand. I am Kikyo but I am not Kikyo. Sure, that made a lot of sense to me.

I don't really see what's so wow about getting a little pink jewel and becoming full demon. WE'LL HAVE A FREAKIN DOG ON THE LOOSE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I mean he's gonna become a mindless killer and make ribbons out of us! But then again, that guy is as dense as a rock so there's no point in trying to knock, drill, hammer, and screw some sense into him.

You know they should create psychologists for backpacks or weapons. It would help us tremendously.

Oh and before I leave, I know I'm not a weapon so please don't remind me. I know I'm a backpack but I thought I'd still give you my two cents worth of advice. Anyways, before that stupid staff kills me, I'm gonna say bye to you and hope that you've learned a lesson or two and that you won't over stuff your backpack.

**Staff**

About time that Yellow Backpack shuts up. Geez… what did she tell you? Her life story or something? Anyways, I am the honorable, beloved, houshi staff. Please, please, ladies, autographs are at the end. I have been used many times in battle. I even helped Master Miroku and his group defeat Naraku. Ok so we thought that he was dead!

My master and I have traveled all across the lands of Japan searching for evil and ridding the world of its foes… Ok maybe I'm exaggerating a bit here… ok maybe a bit more… FINE, FINE! Don't need to look at me like that! My master has only used his powers to protect pretty ladies in danger!

BUT AT LEAST HE PROTECTS LADIES! I wouldn't name any names but Inuyasha is not exactly very opened towards Kagome. You'd think that after all those months with her he'd realize that he likes her. But who am I to talk? Master Miroku isn't exactly any better. He gropes anything that moves and he isn't the one with the purest soul around.

I had a feeling that my master would one day start a group of travelers that would follow him in his quest to find the Shikon-No-Tama.

"STAFF!" Oh dear, I guess my comrades heard that. Hehe… what I meant to say of course is that I knew that my master would join the group and help them find the remaining jewel shards.

I do need to say though that my master isn't very kind towards me. The number of times he let me break… I should count just to brag about it to anyone who cares to listen to a lost soul of a monk's staff. At least he fixed me. But because I broke once, I was able to be used as an arrow. Being an arrow is soo cool! But I'm sure arrow doesn't think so… I'm sure she'll tell you all about it after.

Sango is such a beauty. I'm sure I'll regret saying that when Hiraikotsu hits me over the ring but for now, she is such a beauty. Not that Kagome isn't either. Master Miroku and Inuyasha are sure lucky to have a lady all to themselves. It's a shame they don't try and be nicer to them. They just don't know all the fun they are missing. Well Master probably realizes it but he's a lecher so it's in his nature to act that way… Inuyasha is a different case. I'm not to sure what makes him tick… he's such an enigma!

Kagome is a very strange but kind girl. She amazes me with her ability to learn. I wonder what they do in her era to make them so smart. If you'd take any villager in a village and try and teach them what we teach Kagome… they'd be lost! Maybe it is easier to learn things from the past than things that are much more advanced than what we have now…

Sorry if I lost you. I am a staff after all, I've lived in a temple for most of my life so what do you expect? I'm still trying to wonder how Master was able to work the bicycle on his first try. When Inuyasha tried… IT WAS SOOO FUNNY!

Shippo is a good lad. He's a bit to insecure for my liking but… ok did that make me sound gay or something? What I meant was that sometimes he gets on my nerves. I mean he's always scared and all. Now I'm probably gonna get killed by all of you Shippo fans out there! ADMIT THE STAFF WAS RIGHT! He is funny though! I'll give him that. And I'm sure if I were a girl I'd find him cute like ya all do…

It seems that I am the only one who doesn't despise lady Kikyo. She is such a nice lady. She's always there to help villagers that she doesn't even know; she's so kind to the children. It's a shame she had to die. I don't see why Yellow Backpack and Hiraikotsu hate her so much. I am positive that she doesn't truly wish to kill Inuyasha.

Now Naraku on the other hand, he could rot in hell for all I care and the person that tells me that I had no right to say that can go and rot in hell with him. I mean honestly! He put that wind tunnel in my master's hand! Oh dear! Wind Tunnel will kill me for calling her stupid! Forgive me!

Well before I leave, I will tell you what I personally think about the Sacred Jewel, the Shikon-No-Tama. I think it is a wonderful chance to get your life long wish fulfilled. Inuyasha should take the jewel and become full demon.

"I think the left over sake has gotten to his head."

"I think you're right Hiraikotsu. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND STAFF? INUYASHA IS GOING TO SHRED US IN RIBBONS IF HE BECOMES FULL DEMON! HAVEN'T YOU SEEN WHAT HAPPENS TO HIM WHEN HE TRANSFORMS!"

I was just voicing my opinion!

"Well then keep it to your self!" My, they sure are in a foul mood. Before I get sliced in half by any of them, I bid you all farewell my fair ladies and I hope you come and see me at the autograph signing, farewell!

**Arrow**

Hi all! I'm Ari the arrow. I'm the youngest of the group. I have no important background. I was born out of an ordinary oak tree. I'm used to zip threw the air and hit targets. I belong to Mistress Kagome. I never got to know Kikyo. So I am all Kagome's property. I get better treatment than Yellow Backpack does.

Even thought I get better treatment, that doesn't mean that I like my job. PLEASE! I mean first of all, I have to get rubbed against a stupid bow. Second of all that bow is a guy. Third of all, I'M AFRAID OF HEIGHTS!

You know how unpleasant it is to be rubbed against a piece of wood every time? Do you, do you? That's what I thought. You humans get the luxurious life. You have legs, arms, a brain, mouth, eyes… what do we have NOTHING!

I live in the dumbest group ever created! Everyone is so dense over here! First there's that half wit Inuyasha. You'd think he'd pick up on some things… sure… he still didn't realize that Miroku and Sango like each other… LAME! And they say dogs are smart… maybe it's a genetic problem… or a birth problem… yeah must be that… after all… whatever…

Kagome is okay… she could get on my nerves once in a while but… she's okay… really… SHE SHOULD JUST SWALLOW HER PRIDE AND TELL INUYAHSA SHE LIKES HIM! One day, we will do a revolution and tell them all in their faces… maybe then they would do something!

Sango… well there's nothing I can say about Sango… She should just have a bit more faith in the others AND REALIZE THAT SHE LIKES MIROKU!

The monk is smart. Now before someone comes and breaks me in two, let me explain. He has a great sense of humor and HE at least knows his feelings. But then again… who would want to go out with a man that gropes anything that's female and that moves?

I don't see what's so important about a pink sphere that grants you wishes. Honestly, I'd give up and wait until Naraku comes to me and kick his dirty derriere to Swahili.

Compared to the others who hate Kikyo or like her, I pity her. I mean, think about it, you die a tragic death and then you get resurrected with a black aura and spirit… AND you can't seem to find peace… how is that good?

Anyways, I think Bow wants to talk. Before he kills me… or tries something stupid next time I'm used… hasta luego!

**Bow**

Yup it's me… Bow… I'm kind of a pervert like Miroku and Staff… lucky you no? You know I'm happy that Ari is a girl. I mean imagine if she was a guy? EW! I have great conversations with Staff. You know why right?

Dudes, you know what? I think they should like take is easy with all this jewel hunting. I mean like they should take a vacation. Especially Inuyasha. He's always on the go. But like he should chill.

If they would tell the girls that they like them they could like all chill together. You know go to the beach and surf. That would be wicked! I mean think of all the hot chicks in bikinis!

I think the way the Shikon Jewel can make you all evil is so wicked! I mean it's like magic. Like if your wish is evil you become evil. That's like chill.

I would so like to travel with Kikyo. Like then I would know what it's like to live with the dead. I could like write a book and become famous! Then I wouldn't need to travel with these losers that are always on the go.

So that's all for me. I know you'll miss me all but if you really do wish to see me again you could like look for me and you'll find me.

**Top**

I'm not a weapon but I can be used as one. I am small but I transform into something big. I'm used to amaze but I can save lives as a distraction to the enemy. I am… the MAGIC TOP! Thank you, thank you all.

I don't know why my companions didn't praise Master Shippo. I mean, what would they do without him? They wouldn't have anyone to chase, beat, hit… ah cruel world!

I'm not used in combat. I'm mostly used to amaze. I don't like combats either. You know what I would like? I would like to be able to transform myself like master Shippo does! That would be soo cool! Think of all the cool things you can do!

Master Shippo isn't very fair with me. He always keeps me inside his kimono and I can't see anything! I'm sorry but there isn't anything interesting in a little boy's chest.

One day, Master Shippo will become a powerful demon and together we will protect weaker demons and humans from harm. Master Shippo used to dislike humans and half demons but that all changed when he met Kagome and Inuyasha.

Now he depends on Inuyasha to protect him. And he calls himself a powerful demon! Sure! He couldn't even confront Souten and Korius! (sp) The others had to push him so he could go and meet these people… sigh…

I would be ready to lay twenty dollars and say that when ever they get the Shikon Jewel back, Inuyasha won't even want to become a full demon anymore. I mean he's a killing machine when he's a full demon! Why would anyone want to be a killing machine? Ok I can understand if your name is Naraku but please…

Speaking of Naraku, that guy is freaky! I mean who in their right mind wears eye shadow? He's weird… maybe he should go to the loony bin! I'm not quite sure what that is but I heard Kagome talk about that.

I like traveling with Sango and Miroku they're so funny. I mean the monk who tries to seduce the demon slayer and the slayer who tires to ignore the monk. They should start their own ree-a-lee-tee show. All four of them… whatever a ree-alee-tee show is… another term Kagome uses. **((A/N I know it's spelled reality))**

I got to go now. Wind Tunnel wants to talk and before I get sucked up I'll leave. Bye!

**Wind Tunnel**

Yo, I'm Wind Tunnel. I'm a female, so get it straight buster before I hunt you down and do some serious damage to you! Yeah, yeah… I'm attached to a stupid pervert's hand. D'ya know how much I hate having to grope women? It's so disgusting! God I mean it's like if you grope yourself. I swear that guy needs to get a life.

You might have all thought I'm evil or something but I am but I'm not at the same time. Makes a whole lot of sense no? The only evil thing about me is that each year I expand until I one day will absorb Miroku in. Nothing big… sure…

I don't understand why that monk is always trying to grope women. What's his point? Set a world record for the most groped butts? Well he sure started off pretty well! I used to count but then I lost count. I was somewhere around 2067 and 2583.

I hate that Naraku guy. HE PUT ME ON MIROKU'S GRANDFATHER'S HAND! Now I'm stuck on this loser's hand! Geez… HURRY UP AND KILL HIM FOR GOD'S SAKE! Then I could leave and return to the nirvana!

Look, I don't know what's so wow about a little pink sphere that grants wishes but honestly… what can it do to you? It's like a trick wish or something. Your wish has to be pure or else it'll turn you evil. So if you get it you'll become evil. Bravo, what have you accomplished? Noting at all. You've just flushed your life down the toilet.

Do you really want to finish your life in hell? Personally, I don't, but that's my opinion and that's yours.

So what have you learned if nothing else today? First, the wind tunnel is a girl and you should all treat her as an equal and if you don't she'll hunt you down and do some serious damage to your house. Go on repeat. And secondly, Shikon Jewels are dangerous. Shards of the Shikon Jewel are dangerous too. If you find one, don't use it.

I hope your brains will remember that and you all live a life without any weather problems.

**THE END!**

**That was freakin' long! I'm finally over! See I told you I would update a lot this weekend! Now, be a pal and review. It wasn't as humorous as Sword Talk but some of them were pretty funny… Pointless, less than Sword Talk, but yes pointless…**

**Ciao!**


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